Meditation on Forgiveness – 17.03.08

Luke 23.32-36
Two others also, who were criminals, were led away to be put to death with him. When they came to the place that is called The Skull, they crucified Jesus there with the criminals, one on his right and one on his left. Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them; they do not know what they are doing”. And they cast lots to divide his clothing … The soldiers also mocked him.

I want to read you part of a longer meditation called ‘The Seven Words’ by Sylvia Sands, this short piece is called ‘The First Word, the Soldier’.

I’m a soldier.
So I try to not to listen when I hammer in the nails.
I try not to listen to what the condemned man may say.
Otherwise you lose your beauty sleep.

“Father, forgive them; they do not know what they are doing”.

I’ve heard curses and threats and brave defiance,
But never, never, as the hammer swung, concern for me.

At least that’s what it seemed
As I was shocked into meeting his eyes,
The hammer heavy and stilled in my hand
For one dreadful, ice-cold moment.

Through the blood and thorns and nails
His eyes met mine with tenderness.
Suddenly I wanted my mother and my wife
And my gentle daughter
To cradle my head in their laps
And hide me, hide me, from this man’s gaze.

And here I am, throwing dice,
With his words hammering,
Hammering in my head,
Hammering, hammering in my heart,
Like nails of love and forgiveness and tenderness,
piercing me, piercing me,
for all eternity.

“His eyes met mine with tenderness”.

Perhaps like me you recoil from the brutality of the soldier’s scene
And yet deep down we know that the keeping of Holy Week
is about placing ourselves alongside the actors in the passion story.
Can we place ourselves alongside this soldier with his brutal honesty?
Are we prepared to ask if there is anything in his story that matches our own story.
He describes how he was able to carry out his cruel work,
‘Only following orders’, as it were
By averting his eyes,
By making a mental effort not to listen,
By trying not to focus on his task
But then words of forgiveness drifted down to him,
As unexpected as a snow flurry in the heat of the desert.
And in his confusion he dropped his guard,
And allowed himself to look.
Just for a moment, when
“His eyes met mine with tenderness”.
But he can’t hold that look.
He desperately wants to get far away from it.
To be free from that awesome, loving gaze.
He is shocked and shamed.

Now stand beside the soldier if you will.
Are there moments when you avert your eyes from Christ?
When you fear to hold his gaze.
When we must make a mental effort not to listen to his voice.
When you try not to focus on the real weight of your own words, your own thoughts, your own actions.
When you wilfully give in to temptation.
When you treat others harshly and high-handedly.
When you are mean-spirited or greedy.
When you fail to speak up for truth and love.
When you are selfish with your time.
When you are callous and can’t be bothered with compassion.

It is in these moments that words of forgiveness drift down to you, and
His eyes meet you with tenderness.

Can you hold that gaze?
Through your shame and humiliation;
Through your anger and your tears
Through your self-hatred and your despair
Through your weakness and your guilt.

Forgiveness requires of us this honest confrontation
All we have to do is hold that gaze
All we have to do is allow those eyes to meet us from the cross with tenderness.
But it is hard to hold that gaze because to do so
Forces us to be honest with ourselves
About who we are and how we act.
And perhaps at times we don’t like what we see.
Also it is hard to believe that if we are honest before God,
He will still look upon us with tenderness.
But this is the shocking truth that Christ reveals from the cross,
If we can look into his eyes as he gazes at us from the cross,
we will be forgiven, we will be changed.

Let me read to you the soldier’s words once more:

I’m a soldier.
So I try to not to listen when I hammer in the nails.
I try not to listen to what the condemned man may say.
Otherwise you lose your beauty sleep.

“Father, forgive them; they do not know what they are doing”.

I’ve heard curses and threats and brave defiance,
But never, never, as the hammer swung, concern for me.

At least that’s what it seemed
As I was shocked into meeting his eyes,
The hammer heavy and stilled in my hand
For one dreadful, ice-cold moment.

Through the blood and thorns and nails
His eyes met mine with tenderness.
Suddenly I wanted my mother and my wife
And my gentle daughter
To cradle my head in their laps
And hide me, hide me, from this man’s gaze.

And here I am, throwing dice,
With his words hammering,
Hammering in my head,
Hammering, hammering in my heart,
Like nails of love and forgiveness and tenderness,
piercing me, piercing me,
for all eternity.